A: A man\u2019s self-esteem \u2013 in\u00a0fact, make that his identity\u00a0\u2013 is intrinsically connected\u00a0to \u2018production\u2019. Worth is about\u00a0competence and \u2018bringing home\u00a0the bacon\u2019. Real men have good\u00a0jobs and provide for their families.\u00a0This is genetically preprogrammed\u00a0from as far back as the caveman\u00a0and, although roles today are more\u00a0egalitarian, that basic belief remains\u00a0entrenched. Because of this, in these\u00a0tough economic times, there has\u00a0been a huge escalation of depression\u00a0in men, who feel vulnerable,\u00a0inadequate and alone.\u00a0Your husband is depressed. The\u00a0characteristics are his low mood,\u00a0his lack of motivation and a sense\u00a0of hopelessness and helplessness.\u00a0It is a reactive depression because\u00a0the circumstances are clear but it\u2019s\u00a0the extent and duration that are\u00a0worrying. One would think that\u00a0he might be relieved to know that\u00a0at least one of you is working and\u00a0enjoying their job. But this is not\u00a0the case because in his mind it\u00a0shows him up as more of a \u2018loser\u2019\u00a0and serves to emasculate him.<\/p>\n

Obviously this does not mean\u00a0that you should give up your job and\u00a0commiserate with\u00a0him. Being less than\u00a0the best you can be\u00a0never helps anyone\u00a0become more than they are.\u00a0It is a tough world out there\u00a0and it is more challenging than\u00a0ever being \u2018pale and male and\u00a040-something\u2019 but this does not\u00a0mean it\u2019s impossible. Let your\u00a0husband know that you understand\u00a0the obstacles and the challenges that\u00a0he faces, but that he has held down a good job will do so again, as long\u00a0as he doesn\u2019t give up. \u2018As you think,\u00a0so shall you be\u2019 is a truism that\u00a0affects everything.<\/p>\n

However, you do need to\u00a0understand that your husband will\u00a0probably not hear a word of this\u00a0in his depressed state. Your priority\u00a0is treatment for his depression. If he\u00a0refuses to go for help, reassure him\u00a0that the person he always was is\u00a0still there, just buried temporarily,\u00a0and you need and want him back.\u00a0Let him know that you miss and\u00a0love him irrespective of whether he\u00a0has a job or not. Having said that,\u00a0it is important that he is not fussy\u00a0about what type of job he accepts\u00a0at this stage; simply working will do wonders for his self-esteem.\u00a0Choices can come later.<\/p>\n

The festive season has the\u00a0potential to intensify feelings\u00a0of depression because we are\u00a0inundated with images of families\u00a0having plenty of fun and enjoying\u00a0themselves. Tell your husband\u00a0that, for your family, Christmas\u00a0is about people and being together,\u00a0not expensive presents. Believe\u00a0it or not, his future with this\u00a0condition is optimistic.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Q:\u00a0My husband was retrenched recently and he\u2019s taken it badly. He\u00a0looked for a new job for a couple of weeks but then threw his hands\u00a0in the air and said \u2018I\u2019m a pale, 40-something male, I\u2019m never going to find\u00a0another job\u2019. He now spends most of his time watching TV in his pyjamas\u00a0and it\u2019s a struggle […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n